Love Like Sand Through Your Fingers

Drifting Dust 9

Gu Xiang pedaled her bicycle through the narrow lane and turned into the small courtyard where her home stood. It had rained at noon, and the stone paving was still slick. She nearly slipped when she got off the bicycle. The big yellow dog from next door came bounding over at once, wagging its tail around her in delight.

"Xiao Xiang, you're back?" Aunt Huang from next door had come out to throw away the trash and called to her. "School starts soon, doesn't it? I heard you got into Huayue?"

Gu Xiang nodded shyly.

Aunt Huang sighed with admiration. "Our Xiao Xiang really is capable. Huayue is one of the province's key high schools. Your grandmother must be overjoyed. If my Zhichao had half your promise, I'd be burning incense in gratitude."

Gu Xiang's face reddened. "Auntie, Zhichao is quite good too. He's very good at sports."

Just then a tall, sturdy teenage boy came out through the doorway. Dark-skinned and wearing a close crop, he lifted the curtain and shouted, "Mom, why haven't you washed my football shoes yet? I need them tomorrow for the match..." Then he saw Gu Xiang and stopped short. "Xiao Xiang?"

Zhang Zhichao's voice dropped at once. "You're back? Have you eaten dinner yet?"

Gu Xiang felt awkward and avoided his eyes. "Not yet. Grandma is waiting for me. I'd better go in first."

In three quick, light steps, the girl vanished up the stairwell like a butterfly. Zhang Zhichao kept staring after her, reluctant to turn away.

"Enough already." Aunt Huang scolded her son irritably. "Just look at yourself."

Before Gu Xiang could push open the door, she heard familiar voices from inside.

"How could that be? She's my daughter. Why would I ever harm her? I'm doing this for her own good."

The rough male voice was instantly recognizable. It was her father.

Her grandmother answered furiously, "Do you think I don't know what you're plotting? You want her to live with you for one reason only: you want the little bit of money her mother left behind. Let me tell you right now, don't even think about it. That money belongs to Xiao Xiang. It has nothing to do with you."

"Mom, where are you getting these ideas?" Gu Jianguo shouted back. "My business is doing just fine. I don't need her money. I want Xiao Xiang to live with me because it would make school easier. She's gotten into Huayue now. It takes almost two hours from here to get there, and if she boards at school that'll be another major expense. The bit of money her mother left her won't be enough anyway."

Grandmother slapped the table. "You don't need to worry about that. I'm not dead yet. I still have my retirement pension."

"And what about her college tuition later?"

The room fell abruptly silent.

Gu Xiang swallowed. Her throat burned, bitter and hot. The stairwell was stuffy, and sweat covered her face and body. She felt bedraggled and dispirited. She knew her father's words were harsh, but every one of them made sense. That was why her grandmother had fallen silent too.

She took out her key and deliberately made a great deal of noise opening the door.

Gu Jianguo turned around and saw his daughter stepping inside. They had not met in more than half a year. The girl had grown taller, but not gained any weight. Her plain dark hair was tied back behind her head. She stood slightly hunched, with a quiet face.

He felt an involuntary stab of disappointment. Gu Xiang's mother had once been one of the most beautiful women in the whole neighborhood. Her daughter had clearly inherited none of that beauty. He had once hoped to catch some shadow of his late wife in their child, but now there was nothing to hope for.

"You're back? Good. I was just discussing your situation with your grandmother. Come listen too." Gu Jianguo beckoned to her.

Gu Xiang's mother had died early, her father had remarried quickly, and she had essentially been raised by her grandmother. Naturally she was not close to him. Besides, Gu Jianguo was a hard man who always spoke to his daughter in a commanding tone. His rare moments of gentleness only made her more uneasy.

"School starts next week, right? You know perfectly well that Huayue is far from here. Having you commute every day clearly isn't realistic. But if you board there, that will be a large expense every semester, and the school cafeteria isn't cheap either. You know our family's financial situation, don't you?"

Gu Xiang sat on the old sofa, hands on her knees, head lowered, quietly listening to her father's lecture.

"So I've decided. You're coming to live with me." Gu Jianguo spoke with finality. "I've already cleared out the living room. You can sleep there."

Her grandmother tried to interrupt, but Gu Jianguo silenced her with a gesture.

"You're my daughter, so naturally I won't charge you for food or lodging. But your Aunt Lin and I are busy with work, so you'll have to help with housework and look after your younger brother. From my place to your school is only a little over ten minutes. Just think of the hour you're saving as time spent doing odd jobs..."

"Is that any way for a father to speak?" Grandmother shot to her feet, furious. "What do you mean, food and lodging? What do you mean, odd jobs? How can you even say such things? She's your own daughter. Raising her is your duty, and yet you're still counting every last bit."

Gu Jianguo refused to yield. "That household isn't mine alone. Lin is my wife, and Feifei is my son. Ours is a complicated family. What am I supposed to do? If I don't look after Xiao Xiang, you blame me. Now I want to look after her, and you're still not satisfied. Mom, tell me what I'm supposed to do. Go on, tell me!"

"Enough." Gu Xiang rose awkwardly to her feet. "Please stop. Dad, I understand the situation. Let me think about it and give you an answer tomorrow, all right?"

Gu Jianguo swallowed the anger he had been venting at his former mother-in-law and stood as well. "Think it over carefully. I'm not your stepfather, and I'm not a villain either. If you want to get ahead, you have to study well. Your education matters most. I'm no rich man, but I can at least give you a place to stay."

With that, and without so much as saying goodbye to her grandmother, he opened the door and swept out like a gust of wind.

Gu Xiang shook her head helplessly. But she had to admit that only after her father left did she finally breathe easier.

She went to wash her face in the bathroom, and her grandmother followed her in. "So you're really thinking of going to live with your father? Their place is tiny, your stepmother is difficult, and there will be four of you squeezed in there. How can you live like that? Sleeping in the living room. Imagine him even proposing such a thing. You're a girl of fifteen or sixteen already. If he isn't ashamed, I am."

Wringing out her washcloth, Gu Xiang said, "Actually, one of the teachers did tell me the school has scholarships. If I study hard, the amount should be enough to cover one semester's boarding fees. So I would only need to stay at Dad's place for a single term."

Grandmother sighed. "When a family is poor, sorrow follows in everything."

Gu Xiang smiled. "Don't be so pessimistic. The school waived my tuition fees. Isn't that already something wonderful?"

Her grandmother's home had two bedrooms and one sitting room. The kitchen was so small that only one person could turn around inside it at a time. There was no range hood, only an exhaust fan, and the stove was so old it took seven or eight tries each time before it would light. The tap leaked a little, but Grandmother could never bear to spend money replacing it, so Gu Xiang had placed a basin beneath it to catch the water for flushing the toilet.

The apartment was on the third floor, which counted as high up in that cluster of old residential buildings. So from the kitchen window, she could see the packed rows of rooftops, half-new chimneys, and pigeon coops nailed together out of scrap wood. It looked just like the movies. After school, children climbed up onto the roofs and walked in single file along the ridgelines. Boys who kept pigeons stood blowing whistles. Adults getting off work rode bicycles through the alleys, ringing their bells as they passed. The evening sun hung at the horizon like a gigantic ball of fire, and a dead tree stood against it as though it too had caught flame.

Drifting Dust 10

The shrill whistle of the kettle pulled Gu Xiang back from her memories. She hurriedly dropped the half-finished little wallet in her hand and ran to the kitchen to turn off the fire.

Fugui padded in after her, sat in the doorway, and licked one paw with unhurried dignity. Gu Xiang poured the hot water into a thermos, then took some frozen meat from the little refrigerator and threw it into the sink to thaw.

It had rained all day again. The weather report said the temperature had dropped by ten degrees and advised residents to keep warm so they would not catch cold from the seasonal shift.

The warning came a bit late. Gu Xiang had used too thin a blanket the night before. By morning her head felt heavy, her limbs weak, and she kept sneezing. The cold medicine she took only seemed to leave her with a low fever by afternoon. Since she was feeling lazy anyway, she called Sister Li and told her she would not be setting up her stall that night.

She had unexpectedly stolen half a day of leisure, yet she did not know how to fill it. There was no television, no computer, not even a radio in the house. At dusk, the room was so silent that it was almost frightening.

After dinner, Gu Xiang did not switch on the light. She lay alone in the dimness, lost in thought. Fugui jumped onto the bed, curled up by her pillow, and began licking her fur with small rhythmic sounds.

Then the silence was broken abruptly by her phone. The ringing startled Gu Xiang. When she looked at the screen, she saw it was Sister Li and assumed she was calling to check in on her. Without thinking much, she answered at once.

At first there was only a burst of noise on the line. Gu Xiang called out several times, "Sister Li? Hello? Is the signal bad?"

After a moment, a man's voice came through. "Gu Xiang? It's Zhang Qirui."

Gu Xiang froze and sat up without meaning to.

"Ah? Ah!" She stammered before she could think what to say. "Hello. I thought it was Sister Li. You..."

Zhang Qirui's voice was calm, as if he were merely stating a fact. "I'm at the stall. Miss Li said you're sick, so I borrowed her phone to call and ask."

Gu Xiang hurried to laugh it off. "I'm so sorry to trouble you. There's nothing serious. It's only a cold."

There was silence on the other end for a moment. Gu Xiang thought the signal had cut out, and then she heard Zhang Qirui asking Sister Li for Gu Xiang's home address. Gu Xiang's heart sank. Before she could stop anything, Sister Li had cheerfully sold every bit of information she had.

Zhang Qirui said, "I'll come take a look at you. I'll be there soon."

"No, really, you don't need to!" Gu Xiang cried. "It's only a cold. There's nothing wrong. You really don't have to go to the trouble..."

But he had already hung up.

Gu Xiang stared at the phone, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. She did not mind having an old classmate come by for a while, but how could this room possibly receive a guest? Especially a rich young master like Zhang Qirui.

The panic seemed to drive the fever right out of her. Gu Xiang jumped out of bed, switched on the light, and scrambled to tidy the room before he arrived.

The bedding needed straightening. The pile of clothes had to be stuffed back into the wardrobe. The scraps of cloth and thread on the floor had to be picked up. The clutter on the tables had to be sorted. The bowls piled in the kitchen had to be washed, and the floor needed sweeping...

Just as Gu Xiang carried the trash outside, her phone rang again.

"I've already reached the entrance to your neighborhood, but the roads are a little confusing..." Zhang Qirui did indeed sound perplexed.

"I'll come get you," Gu Xiang said immediately. She still remembered the glorious record of Young Master Zhang getting lost even when taking out the rubbish during class-cleaning duty back in school.

Wrapping herself in a coat and taking an umbrella, she hurried out the door. By the time she reached the entrance to the neighborhood, she could already see Zhang Qirui standing in the rain from a distance, holding his umbrella.

Eight years had passed. He was half a head taller than before, his build much stronger, and now he wore glasses. From afar he looked lean and well-proportioned, with an exceptional bearing, so out of place against the rundown little residential district that the contrast was almost startling.