Drifting Dust 5
Back in the hotel room, Zhang Qirui took off his shoes and immediately went into the bathroom to run himself a bath. The south was damp, and after only a short walk he was already covered in sweat. For someone with a mild obsession with cleanliness, it was not a pleasant feeling.
Jiang Anqi followed in behind him and thoughtfully wrung out a damp towel for him. "Wipe off a little. You're sweating all over."
Zhang Qirui took the towel and smiled at her.
Jiang Anqi leaned against the bathroom door and watched him wipe his face, test the water temperature, undo the buttons on his shirt, and begin to undress.
"You... you should go back to your own room." Seeing that she was still there, Zhang Qirui stopped. "We have sightseeing tomorrow. Get some rest."
Jiang Anqi bit her lower lip and asked tentatively, "Brother Qirui, are you all right? You haven't spoken since we left the night market. It feels like something is on your mind."
"Nothing's wrong." Zhang Qirui's tone was calm. "It's just too hot here. I'm not used to it."
Jiang Anqi kept looking at him. This man had something on his mind.
No one knew better than she did what kind of man Zhang Qirui was. She had known him for three years. He looked refined and courteous, and his temper seemed very good, but he was in fact deeply guarded. He never showed more than he wished to show. In everything he said and did, he was meticulous, and no outsider ever caught him making the slightest mistake. Yet now, though he claimed with his words that he did not know that woman, every restless movement of his body betrayed his unease.
"Don't overthink things." Zhang Qirui seemed to know exactly what was going through her mind. He smiled and rubbed her hair. "Go back and rest. We have to get up early tomorrow to catch the tourist coach."
Jiang Anqi pouted and stayed propped in the doorway. "I'm exhausted. Why don't we go home early? My mother has come back from Canada and keeps saying she wants to see you."
Zhang Qirui still wore that same faint smile. "I haven't had enough fun yet. Holidays are rare. The moment I go back, the old man will drag me into work and there'll be no rest at all. Go on now. I need to bathe."
Seeing that he still would not agree, Jiang Anqi became annoyed, turned, and walked away. Zhang Qirui neither coaxed her nor tried to stop her. He pretended not to notice anything, escorted her to the door, and shut it behind her.
Jiang Anqi had been waiting for him to pull her back and apologize. Instead all she heard was the hotel door closing. She rarely received such treatment. Furious, she stamped her foot and flung out her hand in anger. But Zhang Qirui was exactly that kind of man: gentle in appearance, hard and cold in the heart. Being angry was useless. In the end she had no choice but to go obediently back to her own room.
The bathwater in the bathroom kept rushing noisily. Zhang Qirui took off his watch and set it on the washstand, then lifted his head and stared at himself in the mirror, his brows tightly drawn.
She looked a little like that person. But that did not necessarily mean she was.
So much time had passed. Over the years there had been no news of her at all. At high-school class reunions, everyone avoided mentioning her as if by silent agreement. Even the teachers refused to say her name. What had happened back then had caused too great a stir and remained a scandal for the school. Besides, she had clearly fallen into misfortune, and yet she had once been a genuinely good person, someone all her classmates had liked. To gossip about her behind her back now would have been in poor taste.
And this place was so far from home. There was no reason she should have ended up in such a remote city trying to make a living.
With a puzzled sigh, Zhang Qirui took out his phone, thought for a moment, and dialed a familiar number.
International calls were slower to connect. After a while a voice finally came through. No one answered. It switched over to voicemail, and a familiar recorded voice repeated in English and then Chinese that the caller should leave a message. Zhang Qirui weighed the phone once in his hand, then hung up.
Better find out the truth first.
Drifting Dust 6
The next day, Gu Xiang woke once again to Fugui pressing on her chest. This time her nightmare had been of banknotes raining from the sky. Everyone else had rushed to gather them, but though she could see the money perfectly well, she could never catch any. Everything that reached her hands turned to scrap paper.
Anyone would have such dreams after being driven half mad by poverty. In the middle of the day's work, her landlord came knocking to collect the rent and inform her that the rent would be going up next month.
"Old Madam Wang across the lane charges four hundred for her place. I'm only raising yours by fifty. That's already being considerate. I can't help it. I can barely get by myself." Every landlord in the world seemed to believe they were poorer than their tenants.
Gu Xiang had wanted to say that Old Madam Wang's house was bigger and newer and even included water and electricity. But since she could not afford that house anyway, there was no point complaining that this one was expensive.
It was only a temporary place to stay. Why be so picky? One day she would return to the small town she had come from, back to the tiny house that had belonged to her grandmother. You came from somewhere, and in the end you went back there. The world was vast and the sea of people boundless. Only that shabby little house was truly where she belonged.
By the time she went out in the evening, the sky had already turned dark and overcast. Once she had set up her stall in the tourist street, rain began to fall.
Autumn rain in the south was no weaker than the storms of summer. First came a sudden violent burst of drops as big as soybeans, scattering the pedestrians in panic. Then it settled into steady rain, falling in an unhurried patter. The ground grew slick and wet, and water rushed noisily through the drains.
All the stalls in the tourist district had awnings, so Gu Xiang and the others did not have to worry about being soaked to the skin. But on rainy days there were fewer customers, and business became twice as hard. Since no one was coming, Gu Xiang sat chatting idly with Sister Li while helping her string beads for her necklaces.
"Money is really hard to earn," Sister Li sighed over and over. "Hard to come by, fast to go. Living expenses, my daughter's tuition, half of it disappears at once. And if one of us falls sick, that's the end of everything. Xiao Gu, listen to me. A woman my age has no prospects left, but you're still young. Find a decent man and marry him while you can. Then there'll be someone to take care of you. Even if life is bitter, it's easier for two people to endure than one."
Gu Xiang lowered her head with a smile. Her eyes were dull and lightless, but her mouth still answered obediently, "I know. I'll keep an eye out."
A customer stopped in front of the stall. Sister Li looked up, startled, and immediately nudged Gu Xiang.
Gu Xiang turned and saw yesterday's man. He still looked cultivated and orderly, carrying himself with the lofty air of someone accustomed to comfort and privilege. Only he was too stingy, which was a real pity given such a handsome face.
A guest was still a guest. Gu Xiang set down what she was doing and welcomed him with a smile. "Hello, sir. You're the one from yesterday, aren't you? Are you here to buy a little wallet for your girlfriend again?"
Zhang Qirui did not look at the wallets. He looked only at the woman before him. That face slowly overlapped with the face in his memory. If it had been a little fuller, a little fairer, a little younger, a little more radiant, then it would have been exactly the same person from those years.
"Gu Xiang?"
"Yes," Gu Xiang answered. Only two seconds later did it strike her that he had called her by name the instant he opened his mouth. She stared at him in shock. "You... how do you..."
Zhang Qirui let out a long breath. It really was her. In an instant, countless feelings rushed together inside him.
Drifting Dust 7
"You are...?" Gu Xiang was completely bewildered. "I'm sorry, but who are you...?"
"I'm Zhang Qirui," he said. Worried that she might not remember, he added, "Huayue High School, Class One. We were classmates for three years. You may not recall it, but back then I sat..."
"You always sat in the fourth row by the window, in the fourth group." Gu Xiang gave a faint smile. "I remember now. Zhang Qirui. You were class monitor for two years. In senior year I took over and you became the study commissioner instead. Zhang Qirui."
She repeated his name with extra weight, as if she were searching through memory and confirming him at the same time. Her smile was so light it seemed as if a breeze might carry it away, and it stood in sharp contrast to everything in her past.
Rain drummed against the plastic awning. Zhang Qirui stood outside in the rain holding an umbrella, while Gu Xiang sheltered under the eaves. Behind them was a rice-noodle shop with little business, and the owner did not mind the two of them standing in front of the doorway.
Both of them felt dazed and for a moment neither knew what to say. Zhang Qirui was wearing a white shirt that made him conspicuous in the night. His elegant face and scholarly air drew glances from girls passing by. Gu Xiang tugged uncomfortably at the hem of her T-shirt. Raindrops blew inward and dampened the hair at her temples.
"How... how long have you been out?" Zhang Qirui asked at last.
"More than three years." Gu Xiang answered honestly. She had no intention of hiding anything. They were old classmates. Who did not know the story by now?
Zhang Qirui looked at the small pits rainwater had dug in the mud at their feet, then back at Gu Xiang. She was thinner than she had been in high school. Her complexion was poor, and even while smiling there was a constant trace of frightened unease in her eyes.
It was the sort of expression seen only on the faces of people weathered by too much hardship. And she was only twenty-six.
"Yesterday I only thought you looked a little like her, but I didn't dare recognize you so rashly," Zhang Qirui said. "How did you end up coming here to make a living?"
Gu Xiang gave a small shrug. "I just kept walking and somehow ended up here. There wasn't any real plan. The environment is nice, the people are simple, and prices are low... I must have made a fool of myself yesterday."
It took Zhang Qirui a few seconds to understand what she meant. The realization filled him with a sudden bitterness.
The petty market vendor who fought over every last yuan and the well-liked class monitor from years ago could no longer be made to overlap in his mind. He had always known she must have changed drastically, but seeing it with his own eyes was still hard to accept. Compared with this, the anger he had once felt over being pushed out of the position of class monitor by Gu Xiang now seemed tiny as dust.
Drifting Dust 8
Zhang Qirui made an effort to lighten his tone. "Have you been living like this all these years?"
"Yes." Gu Xiang sounded much more free and easy than he did. "After my grandmother passed away, I rented out the old family house and came out to try my luck."
She smiled. "You probably know already that I only have a junior-high diploma, and with my history, work isn't easy to find. So... this is how things are."
Zhang Qirui shifted the umbrella to his other hand. "Is business good?"
Gu Xiang smiled a little. "It was hard at the beginning, but it's pretty good now. Selling little things like this brings a decent profit. I've even had enough left over to buy medical insurance for myself..."
She raised her head while speaking, only to see the deep furrow in Zhang Qirui's brow. She stopped mid-sentence, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed. There was nothing much worth boasting about in such things. It was humiliating.
"Then..." Zhang Qirui chose his words carefully. "Does Sun Dongping know that you're out?"
At the sound of that name, Gu Xiang remained very calm. Only her eyelashes flickered once.
She turned her head slightly and smiled faintly. "No. We... haven't been in touch for a very long time, so... there isn't really any need."
After she finished, she gave two small, awkward laughs. No one answered.
The rain began to grow heavier again. All they could hear was the rushing sound of water. Gu Xiang and Zhang Qirui stood facing one another, one beneath the eaves and one outside them, with strings of rain between them like a crystal curtain. Looking through it, both of their faces seemed blurred.
The Zhang Qirui she had known should have been a proud, cold, lanky top student. The Gu Xiang he had known should have been an easygoing, warm, authoritative class monitor. Yet now both of them felt as if the person standing opposite them were a stranger.
Too much dust had settled over the past. Eight years, and more than that. Now that they were trying to sort back through it, neither knew where to begin. There were too many scars that could not bear to be revisited. They had never fully healed. Touch them even lightly and they still hurt, and no one knew what to do with them.
The passion of youth was like sand slipping through the fingers.
Gu Xiang felt that now her hands were empty.